Hello YOU,

How do I find you this week? Outside Quest for EST I’m busy preparing to have a 9 year old in the house next week. Crazy stuff!

I’ve been talking to a lot of people about Transactional Analysis (TA) recently; a theory that I LOVE and use throughout my work. TA was created during the 1950s when psychotherapist Eric Berne sought to find a way to describe psychotherapy and what was going on with his clients in a way that anyone could understand. Up until then psychotherapy-talk was reserved for the highly educated psychotherapists who very much took the lead in the recovery of their patients. Berne wanted to do things differently and to have patients be involved in their healing, which is an idea that I just love.

TA is a theory that has quite literally changed my life, and is deeply woven through the coaching work that I do. In this week’s newsletter I will explain the three core statements within TA philosophy, that all the other elements of the theory are built on. I call these three core principles ‘3 rules to live by’.

I’m OK/You’re OK

TA philosophy believes that all human beings have value and dignity. We are all born ‘OK’. Eric Berne, the founder of TA, said “we are all born princes, and the civilising process makes us frogs.” This means that no matter what is happening or has happened to us, underneath it all at our very core we are all OK.

I love this aspect of theory because it means that even at times when I don’t feel OK; when I’m dealing with something really difficult or painful, I know that I am still fundamentally and intrinsically OK.

The other aspect of OK’ness means that we also believe that everyone else is fundamentally OK too. We treat each other with a mutual respect, because we are both OK.

The difficult aspect of this part of the theory for many people is the idea that people who do horrific things (for example murderers, rapists, thieves) are still OK. This is where we need to differentiate between a person being OK and behaviours being OK. These behaviours are definitely NOT OK; in fact they are truly terrible. Of course there are other, less extreme examples of not OK behaviours too such as telling lies or bullying, but, underneath all those layers of not OK behaviour is a person who always has the potential to return to OK’ness.

Everyone Can Think

The second core statement of TA is that everyone, with the exception of those with severe brain damage, can think. This means that we have the ability to think for ourselves and have responsibility over the quality of our lives. We don’t always have control over things that happen to us however we always have control over how we think about and deal with what has happened to us. The fact then that we can all think means that there is ALWAYS something in our control, even when the world feels crazy, unstable and out of control.

Change can happen

TA is an optimistic theory, but it’s an optimistic theory that is also backed up by research from modern neuroscience. When we are children we all learn the behaviours that we need in order to survive. Sometimes though, as we get older, we find that these behaviours are no longer helpful and useful to us. In fact they are often extremely unhelpful! TA states that change can happen, which means that we can choose to change those behaviours whenever we like.

If you’ve ever tried to kick a longstanding habit then you’ll know that changing our behaviours isn’t always easy, but it is always possible. The same also goes for our thoughts and feelings; we can change them whenever we like.

Modern neuroscience backs up this belief. Research shows that we can form new neural pathways in our brain throughout our entire lives which means we can quite literally re-wire our brain. How cool is that?

How the 3 core statements work together

When we identify a way of thinking, being or doing that is no longer serving us, we can remember that even though there is a part of us that we want to be different, we are still OK at our core. Because we can think we can decide which of our thoughts and behaviours we want to change, and we can decide the when and how of the change too. Finally, we know that change is possible so we don’t have to be stuck in ways of thinking, being and doing that we don’t want to be.

The 3 core statements of Transactional Analysis are the first thing that drew me to the theory. For me they make sense and they provide hope, and that feels like a great starting point!

I love the ‘lightbulb moments’ that sharing these 3 core principles with clients gives, and the realisation that they can really help them in their role as managers.

How do these 3 statements and with you?